


Stupid Humans

by Warp5Complex_Archivist



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-05
Updated: 2006-03-05
Packaged: 2018-08-16 00:42:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8080108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Warp5Complex_Archivist/pseuds/Warp5Complex_Archivist
Summary: Porthos is noticing something. (02/12/2003)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Kylie Lee, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Warp 5 Complex](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Warp_5_Complex), the software of which ceased to be maintained and created a security hazard. To make future maintenance and archive growth easier, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but I may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Warp 5 Complex collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/Warp5Complex).

  
Author's notes: From the viewpoint of a dog. Okay, I was trying to think of an unusual twist to bring to TheGrrrl's "First Kiss" challenge, and this was the best I could come up with. 'Tis something new for me.  


* * *

Stupid humans.

Don't get me wrong, I love humans. Well, most humans. Some humans are just too busy going about their oh-so-important business, too busy to take three seconds to scratch my ears....no, no, they're too busy. And some think I'm dirty or that I'll give them some disease. I make extra sure to rub up hard against those people.

You're thinking I don't talk like an ordinary dog, right? Well, think about my life up to this point. I haven't had an ordinary dog's life. So why should I talk like one, eh? My dad is the captain of the best starship the humans have. I've barked at big ugly aliens and scared 'em off. I've peed on alien worlds. Yeah, I know, I know once it almost started a war, but what's a dog to do? Explode? Not to mention for the past couple of years I've barely even seen, much less talked to, another dog. I've been surrounded by humans all the time. So, of course I'm starting to think and talk like one. Just because I don't try to or go for joyrides in the lifts does not mean I'm just some stupid animal.

Whoops, sorry. Got off the subject. What was I talking about again?

Oh yes. As much as I love my dad, he can be really stupid. I noticed a long time ago that he was in love with Trip. You know Trip is Dad's best friend. I like Trip a lot too. I'm glad he's on the ship with us. Always has time to play with me, and he knows just where to scratch behind my ears.

But Dad loves him. I don't understand humans at all sometimes. I noticed even before we left. Dad would always call Trip to get together and "go out," Trip would always come over to watch games with Dad, and Dad was always happy when Trip was around. I knew it, but they didn't. Don't you think it's stupid that a dog notices something they don't? And you know what? Trip loves Dad back, but he's better at hiding it, I think. I think he's scared that Dad doesn't love him. Humans!

Trip has a habit of getting into a lot of trouble, too. That's not much fun for me, because it hurts Dad really bad. I remember the times when Trip would get hurt or go missing. Dad would always get upset and cry at night. I'd jump up on the bed and lie down next to him when he started, and he would hug me while he cried. Sometimes I'd get mad at Trip for doing whatever he did that made Dad cry, sometimes I'd get mad at Dad being so stubborn, and sometimes I'd get mad at both of them for being so stupid and not telling each other. If I could speak human-style, I'd tell them both. But no such luck.

In a couple of days there's a big human holiday...I think it's the one called Christmas. No, wait a minute, that one was a little while ago. Halloween? No, no, no....oh yeah, Valentine's Day! The one Fluffy—she was a little poodle who lived near Dad and me in San Francisco—called the "kissy-kissy day." Dad's moping and sulking around the room, as usual. Not much for me to do but watch him. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth....and humans make fun of dogs when we chase our tails. But then the door goes beep, which means someone's here to see us. Or at least to see Dad. I really hope it's Trip. He always knows how to make Dad smile.

Yes! It is Trip! I hop off my little bed and run over to him, jumping up on his leg. He laughs and tells me I'm a good boy, which of course, I am. He even scratches me in my favorite spot behind my ear. In return, I try not to trip him. That's kind of funny, me tripping Trip. Get it? Ruf, I've been around humans too long.

I turn around to look at Dad, and, yep, he's smiling. I yip and spin around a couple times, happy that everyone's happy. But then Dad gets this little look in his eyes, the same one I get when I know Chef's not going to sneak me any scraps. Most of the time, I get him to, but sometimes he won't. Then I go see Malcolm or Travis. They always give me stuff. Hoshi too. They really like me.

Focus, Porthos, focus....Trip's talking about a party. I like parties, 'cause I get petted by everybody, even...ooh, the pointy- eared woman, what's her name again? T'Pol, that's it! Even she pets me sometimes. Dad's shaking his head, saying he doesn't want to go. Then Trip says he should go. Uh oh, Dad just snapped at Trip! That doesn't happen much. Now Trip wants to know what's wrong. I stay really still, 'cause one of two things is gonna happen. One of them, and I'm gonna hide under the bed. The other? I really want to see.

Dad says it's nothing. Ah ha! Trip knows better. Go Trip! Get him! They're arguing, but not yelling. This is good. Come on, come on, someone do the kissy-wissy thing....they've gotten awfully close, but they always stop right before. But this time looks different.....now they're not even arguing. Now they're just looking at each other. Humans! Dogs don't waste all the time looking at each other!

Just when I'm about ready to start howling in frustration, Trip steps forward....gets closer....we have contact!! It's about time! I try to keep from barking and settle for wagging my tail. They're still kissing. Don't they have to breathe sooner or later? I don't want them to pass out or anything. That would be bad.

Okay, they're looking at each other again. Dad looks confused, but he looks really, really happy. Trip's saying something about how he should have done that sooner. I start barking in agreement. It's about time they figured it out.

Now they're hugging each other and laughing. I think they're laughing at me. I don't care as I start jumping around again, tail going like crazy. I'm happy that my two favorite people are happy! Oh boy, they're doing it again. I guess humans can hold their breath for a long time. I sit down, my tail still thumping. If this goes the way I think it's gonna go, I'm going to sneak off to the bathroom. Give them some privacy, you know.

Maybe humans aren't so stupid after all.


End file.
